Beyond The Stars
by serenitysuicide
Summary: CHP 3 UP! When Shu was raped by ASK it sent him into a spiral of self hate and depression. For 6 months he's been locked away. Its up to Yuki to rescue his pretty pink baka. Yuki POV please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 **

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Okay hello there my peoples. GRIN People who know my other stuff will notice that this is my very first YuShu fan fiction. Suicidal Shuichi as always though. But here I swear down on this chicken burger I WILL finish this one and then finish _Right In Front of me_. If you've not checked it out I think you should because I've been getting hate mail and flames for not finishing it but when this is done I will do. I don't know how many chapters this is and the moment I can't think of a name. But hopefully you will like this, I've never written a Yuki POV… Ever so don't be too mean puppy eyes. All characters belong to Maki Murakami.

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_Okay remind me again why I came a full hour before visiting time?_ I sighed and rubbed my weary eyes. _Because I miss the damn brat. That's why!_ I reminded myself for probably the twentieth time since I had arrived here. I groaned, standing to stretch my deaden muscles. I glanced to the ridiculously giant clock on the wall above the receptionist desk. It read 12.50. I had been here for a full 50 minutes but it felt like an eternity.

I smiled to myself. 10 minutes until I could see my pretty pink angel again. I could only pray that this time would fly by. I haven't seen Shuichi in nearly the 6 months that he's been here. Which is quit a leap when you go from seeing someone nearly every waking moment of your life for two whole years. I was thrown from annoying noise and mischief into a desolately quiet apartment. All those visiting weekend that I could have come, god knows how many. I known ill always regret it. I'm not even sure why I didn't come anyway. I think I was just scared. I had to smirk at that. Me Yuki Eiri was never scared even in the face of death I was never scared. But now I was second guessing everything that I did. Scared I would do something wrong or stupid and unset my delicate pink brat.

I was a wreck when he was first admitted here. For 2 weeks I had sat by his bed in the hospital where he had been recovering from. God I'm not going to remember that! I don't want to remember that! But as soon as he recovered, well physically anyway I don't think that he will ever be mentally healed, he was taken from me. I had slept that night beside him and I had woken to a cold empty room. They had taken him. I couldn't believe. I couldn't understand.

The room had begun to slowly fill as the clock ticked towards 1.00. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, it was almost deafening. God get a grip of your self Eiri! I was sweating terribly and I couldn't keep still. My foot was rapidly tapping on the floor. It was torture. I brushed my fingers through my hair. I wanted, no I needed a cigarette. BADLY. I needed the nicotine to calm my tattered nerves.

My hands were shaking as I took a badge from a nurse before me. It read visitor and I stumbled to put it on as she began the general safety talks. I remember her saying something along that lines that I was a social room and I that it was filled with a variety of people suffering from many different psychological problems. That we shouldn't interact with anyone other then the person we were there to see. Blah. Blah. Blah. Get on with it already. I can't take much more then this.

My heart was racing. I felt it miss a beat here and there and my stomach kept giving unnatural lurches every so often. I felt so nervous I thought id be sick.

All at once the room stood in a wave of motion and I along with them. We were lead down a long corridor. Everything in this damn place was painted grey. At the end were some large doors, guarded by men with muscles the size of oceanic chains. The orderlies. The doors opened into a room the size of a netball court. Still everything was grey.

The group soon dispersed, each person looking for their loved one. Some were painting; others playing board games and some were even watching Dumbo on the Disney channel. I thought it was quiet entertaining watching them glued to the 'pink elephants on parade song'.

But it was the one sitting alone in the far corner of the room almost hidden in the darkness. He was sitting on the box seat of a window, his forehead resting against the cold glass and his hair had fallen over his face, hiding those gorgeous amethyst eyes.

My mechanically moved and I found myself walking over to him. Almost weary of going to near. "Shuichi?" I felt my voice betray the calm faced that I had tried to put on. I stepped a little nearer and I strained my neck to see what he was gazing at.

Birds.

A whole nest of them. Blue tits I think they were called. "It's a beautiful day Shuichi." I hesitated and closed the distance. This was silly. I sighed and dropped my head in defeat. If I treated like there was nothing wrong he might not be able to handle it. But I felt that it would almost be patronising if I treated him like he really was a psychiatric patient.

"Yu… Yu-ki."

I raised my crestfallen heart and I heard his voice. I had missed it so much. I had missed him too. "The apartment is so quiet with out you Shu."

He turned and looked at me. Well at least I think he did. His eyes looked so hollow. Like there was none of my bubbly little shu-chan in them. They just didn't sparkle like I remember them doing. I moved to sit on the opposite end of the window seat facing him. Encouraged by this small sign of recognition.

"Yu-ki," he said again even quieter barley above a whisper. A single tear fell from an eye as he turned back to his birds. Not even noticing that I had moved before him. It was almost as if he was looking but not seeing.

Now I'm confused. I'm here why can't he see me? I reached a hand to touch his leg. "What's wrong Shuichi?"

He doesn't know you, he doesn't know anyone." Came an unfamiliar voice behind me. Though reflecting on it I could be going slightly crazy. It wouldn't surprise me. "He doesn't remember anything from before here. It hurts him too much. But somehow he manages to say that name. Just that name, over and over again. I don't think he truly knows who that is. For him to remember your name shows how much he loves you."

"Not half as much as I love the damn brat I bet." I smiled on the outside but inside my heart was breaking. Had he really forgotten me? I just couldn't accept it. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Why had no one told me he was like this? Why hadn't Hiro or K? My heart felt as though it had been ripped out and K had shot at it with one of his machine guns.

All this time Shu had never taken his gaze off that nest. He had always loved birds, and even in this catatonic state he loves them still. He loves me. He remembers me. Well sort of. Just that was enough for me to get all fired up inside. My soul was screaming out. Shuichi shouldn't be here. He should be at home with me. I'd be better helping him then these strangers with their needles and drugs.

Did he really not remember who he was? Had I lost my hyper pink baka for good? No I'm not going to accept that. God my life is meaningless with out him. I need him by my side.

I sighed trying to pull up the energy and love from deep within and I risked touching my love gently on the cheek but he didn't react I don't even think that he felt it. He didn't react when I wrapped him in my coat and carried him in my arms. I was shocked though. There had been many times when I had to carry him like this, whenever he would trip and hurt himself, whining until I would pick him up like this and carry him home. But now he was like skin and bones. What? Weren't they feeding him in this place? Damn he was going to be spoiled when he got home.

A few of the nurses tried shouting for me to stop. It wasn't like I was kidnapping him. I was merely rescuing him. And there wasn't a chance in hell that I was going to stop and leave him here. When in had pushed the doors open that lead onto the corridor the orderlies –men twice my size- tried standing in my way. I glared at them. Id killed before and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again to save my love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Dragonfire04** – I've replied to you already but I did promise this would be uploaded by Friday and its Wednesday now. So it might just happen to be slightly later. Please don't send me hate mail.

**Everyone with the 'Go Yuki' comments **– Yesh go yuki uh huh uh huh... dances… is shot

Can you tell I'm utterly utterly English?!

"I don't care Seguchi! He's not going anywhere! I don't give a shit if you are my brother in-law… _don't tempt me_!" I said in a dangerous voice. "Shuichi is staying here with me. End of!" And I slammed the phone down so hard that I probably broke the handset. Seguchi better then anyone should know what happens when I get pissed off. And right now I was furious.

Okay sure he was under fire and had been for a whole year from the media about Shuichi's sudden disappearance and the break up of bad luck but still he should know better. But the one thing I knew for certain was that my shu-chan my little pink lover wasn't going anywhere. All this drama over the past year has made me possessive and I'm not going to reject it.

I sighed leaning against a wall, lightening up what must have been my 30th cigarette of the day. I took a long drag and slumped letting the nicotine run through my body, calming me. Seguchi had made me mad, but I wasn't about to show that in front of my fragile lover. I don't even know if he is my lover anymore. I can't remember the last time we made love. Not even that I can't remember the last time we had sex or the last time I just fucked him.

It's been a whole week since I 'rescued' him and true fully there hasn't been much progress in him. I thought being here at home would be good for him. Make him feel more normal, I suppose it hasn't. All he's done is cry; he's plagued by nightmares and hardly says a word. He says a little more then just 'yuki' but he's scared whenever someone other then me comes near him. I think it means that he's remembering me but I'm not sure. He's given me the odd sweet smile here and there, his sweet ones though. Not his hyper energetic bubbly grin. I just hope I did the right thing bringing him home. I groaned taking another long drag from my cigarette.

"Yuki?"

I smiled putting out my cig on the ash tray next to the phone and I turned to see the pink singer in the doorway of our room. His room at the moment, I've taken to sleeping on the couch. "Sorry Shu, I woke you didn't I?"

He shook his head giving a sheepish smile. His pink hair swinging around his head as he shook it. He was wearing one of my night shirts. It was way too big for him and he looked absolutely adorable in it. I smiled. He was rubbing at his eyes and gave a quiet yawn.

He blushed when he realised I was staring at him so intensely. God it had been so long since I had sex and that shirt was leaving nothing to the imagination. Damn it I shouldn't think like that! The last time he was ever taken was… was by that bastard.

I shuddered and walked over to him, reaching out my arms letting him come to lean against my chest. Okay yes I wanted him but at the same time I wanted him like this. Just here in my arms making me feel safe. I was supposed to make him feel safe. I nuzzled into his neck, his body perfectly moulded to mine.

"Shuichi," I purred in to his oh-so-sensitive-neck, sending Goosebumps over his skin. And I felt the small boy tighten his grip around my body. God I'm smiling again. I seem to be doing that so much lately and its all because of my Shuichi. As long as he's at my side nothing else in the world would matter.

I leaned back from my love, gently pressing a feather light kiss on his forehead. He tasted like sugar and sweat just like he always did. "You hungry Shu-chan?" And almost as if on cue, Shuichi's stomach let out a low grumble just like he did when he was on his knees going to… Okay I shouldn't be having thoughts like that right now… Damn I can't get that image out of my head now. Being around him is heaven but it's also hell. We haven't… I haven't had sex since Shuichi was 'beaten up' by Awizawa.

"Come on brat, Ill go make you some strawberry waffles if you want." He definitely perked up at that. Though whether it was because I had used his old pet name or because of the waffles I wasn't sure but I held out my hand for him to take it almost certain he wasn't going to. But he did, albeit cautiously but he still did. Oh god I bet I'm smiling again.

We slowly walked together through the dark hall way of our home. I watched him as he let go of my hand and move to sit on the couch. And it wasn't long before he was skimming through the music channels. Hey at least that's more like my Shuichi. Perhaps he is getting better by staying here. I hope so. I inwardly sighed as a Nittle Grasper song came on to the TV. How a 30 year old child (1) managed to become a singing superstar is beyond me. Again I smiled as Shuichi sat there eyes glued to the screen. He was quietly whispering the words to the song unaware I was standing in the kitchen doorway watching him.

As the song finished Shuichi started channel hoping again. He always did that. Usually id tell him off saying something about breaking the TV. But the sudden changes from song to song were almost comforting, telling me that my Shuichi was still in the next room as I started making his pancakes. I made them for a breakfast in bed treat once when he was ill. He loved them and I loved them even more as the strawberry sauce would dribble from his mouth as he shovelled them in and I had licked off his face. After that we had gotten very… 'Heated' if you know what I mean with lots of strawberry kisses. Needless to say I got his damn cold and I was bed ridden just like him. Not that that was a bad thing mind you. I smiled to myself and let the memories wash over me. Damn I missed the way he was… I know my Shuichi. My bubbly annoying brat is still in there. I just need to find him again.

My trail of thoughts was interrupted by a scream. At first I thought it was just a song off the tele but it was followed by hacked breathing and sobs. Damn it I knew I shouldn't have left him on his own he was too delicate. I dashed out of the kitchen towards my pink lover.

He was lying on the couch, his face buried into one of the cushions. He was probably on the verge of suffocating I thought as I pulled him firmly away from it only to be met with the weak resistance of the singer. "Shuichi!" Damn what had upset him so much?

"_I look forward to getting back on the music scene with my new band 'In Flames'__ (2) it was unfortunate that NG had to let us go. As you can see we have so much more music in us."_

Someone is going to die for this. I was going to make sure of it. Tohma had let them off NG without any publicity so it was a fare bet that whoever signed him didn't know of what he had done to my baby.

I felt the pure anger welling up inside me. No wonder Shuichi was traumatized. Just seeing that bastard was enough to upset him. No words under the sun could describe my un-dying hatred for the man. I grabbed the TV remote and turned it off, letting my attention fall back to the sobbing boy next to me.

"Shuichi… its okay I'm here." I let a hand fall on his arm reassuring him gently.

I almost had the wind knocked out of me as the pink fuzz ball threw himself into my arms. His body was shaking so fiercely. I let him cry. I let him pour all of his sorrows onto me. They weren't just his burden anymore they were mine too.

Moving into a more comfortable position on the couch I let him rest his head on my chest as he cried, letting him be calmed by my heartbeat as I ran my fingers through his hair. And it wasn't soon before sleep overcame us both and the last thing I remember thinking was…

_Damn the waffles are going to get cold._

(1) Okay I adore this phrase used by Yuki in Dhamphir's 'Without you I am lost'. Its probably one of my all time fave Gravitation fics. It's in my fave stories so go check it out. You'll love it!

(2) Gets killed by the hubby His fave band… I closed my eyes and randomly picked a band off my MP3 player and In Flames came up. Their a Swedish metal band D


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**shipet100** – LOL its not supposed to be bubbly! Its deep and duhpressinnnnn!!!! Okay maybe not as angsty as it could be.

Okay onto the third instalment of Beyond the Stars xD So here I am I was up until 4am last night writing this out in bed so I might have to tweak as I write. Also if you know me… you know I cant write smut for elephants testicals…

**ALSO MY BETA READER HAS DIEDDDD! Well really shes at Uni so anyone want the job?**

I groaned trying to shift into a more comfortable position on my leather couch. It would be so much easier if I didn't have this damn weight on my chest. Opening my eyes hesitantly I saw the pink angel lying on my body. I smiled to myself. He was sleeping like a baby. That was for the moment anyway. Some nights I would pad down the hallway to where he was sleeping and spend hours just watching him sleep. Sometimes he would look so peaceful and serine like he was now. But some nights, well really most nights, he would have nightmares and his face would contort with pain and he would kick at the covers, trying to fight off those demons in his dreams.

I coughed a little, smiling as a stray lock of Shuichi's candy floss hair fell over his face and tickled his nose slightly. I brushed it back behind his ear letting my fingers linger some over his face.

This was the first night; since he had come back to me that he slept in my arms. Actually scratch that it was our first afternoon. The sun was hanging lazily in the sky and the sky had turned a rosy shade of red. I guess we were both exhausted from everything that had happened this week, emotionally and physically. It had been especially hard on my Shu-chan. I know though that if I could freeze time for one moment it would be this. I missed lying with the lithe body of the singer. His body heat mixing with mine and our hearts beating together.

I never thoughts that id fall in love again after Kitzazawa. I thought no one would love me. After all I was broken. I was 'damaged goods' if you like. And honestly I was afraid of ever being hurt again. So I loved up my heart and threw away the key into the deepest darkest ocean. But Shuichi had found that key and slowly I was learning to love again instead of being so fucked up in the head so much. And now I had to find his key, god after all the shit I had put him through in the past, he more than deserved it.

A solitary tear fell from my eyes and my breath hitched causing my lover to shift slightly on my chest. It wasn't just Awizawa's fault that my poor little Shuichi had been hurt so much. Sure he had hurt him physically but I had broken him emotionally. It had taken too long for my cold exterior to melt. I had loved him I always had but I had never told him. I had always hidden it from him. Another tear fell from my eyes.

"Don't cry Yuki… You're not supposed to cry."

I sighed squeezing the boy in my arms tightly. "I'm so sorry Shu. I'm didn't mean for this to happen. I'm so sorry my love."

The singer turned his head slightly to face me, resting his chin on my chest and stare at my blankly. "Yuki?"

"If I hadn't been so cold, such a bastard when we first met then none of this would ever ha-"

Sugary soft lips pressed against my own silencing me in surprise. God how I missed those kisses. The way he would dart his tongue out over my lips making them part ever so slightly just enough though for him to slide his tongue into them. I relaxed and began sucking on it slightly and he let out a low moan. A moan that was reserved for me only. No one else was aloud to hear that sexy moan but me and I smirked at the thought. I know I'm possessive but when it comes to Shuichi I am and I've said before I won't deny it.

I shifted slightly, letting the singer get into a position where he could deepen the kiss if he wanted to. But such an action lead our groins to accidentally rub against each other and our moans filled the small apartment like music and I purposefully rocked my hips against his this time.

He moaned again, more loudly this time and he pulled back slightly from the kiss our faces within inches of the others. He was blushing deeply.

I grinned gently rubbing his parted lips gently with one of my thumbs. "You know you're so cute when you blush Shu," I whispered, which only made him blush even more turning his face a deeper shade of crimson.

As he was only wearing one of my shirts and his own tight white boxers that were very tight at the moment I could see the sexy outline of his erection and my cock twitched and my mouth watered just thinking about what lay beneath the thin cotton. Yes I'm a seme who loves giving head. And it's a privilege reserved for _my_ Shuichi alone!

Damn I want. I want him now. Not because I want 'release'. I want him so he can remember what real sex is… real love making. But I knew that was going past what we were doing. It was up to him. I don't want to admit it but for the moment he is a temporary Seme.

"Shuichi?" Why was he staring at me?

"I love you Yuki."

I blinked in surprise. I definitely didn't expect him to say that. But he had and it wasn't a dream. The desperate throbbing in my cock told me it wasn't. I smiled reaching up to him to cup his face and drawing him near for a kiss. "And I love you Shu," I whispered suddenly shifting to nibble his ear lightly.

"Neee- Yuki that tickles!" He squirmed under my touch.

I grinned treasuring his beautiful smile. His genuine drop dead gorgeous smile. I kept nibbling on his ear, lightly biting and tugging on it with my teeth. Stroking his sides as he moaned in pleasure.

"That's mean Yukiiiiiiii!"

"Do you want me to stop?" I slipped a hand into his boxers and gently began stroking the very top of his buttocks. I knew he loved that because he arched his back into my hand.

"Yukiiiii!" He gasped my name through almost fevered pants.

Stopping my ministrations I looked at him seriously for a moment. "Do you want me to stop? Do you Shuichi?"

I winced inwardly as I saw him bite down on his bottom lip and nod slowly. I closed my eyes and drew my hands from his pants. "Sorry Shu." I tried desperately to hide the rejection and disappointment from the boy. But I couldn't help but think 'he loves me'. He. Loves. Me.

"No. I'm sorry Yuki."

I looked into his eye, suddenly unsure of myself.

"I love you. But…" He sighed. 'But' was never a good word to use in these heart to heart talks. "But I'm… I'm just not ready for…" he paused looking away from me searching for the right words to use. I know what he meant though. He thought I wanted to fuck him. Sure we'd gone from this playful tickling to other 'things' and I knew that that was on his mind. "I just need to get over what ha-"

_GRUMBLE_

I laughed as he was cut off by his own stomach wanting to be heard and my mind wandered back to those cold waffles. "You hungry shu?"

He nodded shyly. "Sorta."

"What about you go get dressed and we'll go out for dinner. You can even choose where we go." I smirked tussling his pink locks.

"And we can get pocky too?"

"Of course we can love," I smiled kissing his forehead lightly before he bounced off my lap to get changed.

He. Loves. Me.


End file.
